Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
