you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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