So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
