just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
