My first STD was from a foam party
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
