Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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