Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
