NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
