a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
A+ Viking dick
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
