Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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