eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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