are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
