I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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