I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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