she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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