We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
