we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
