So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
