Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize