found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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