I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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