i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
