the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
