I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
