why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
