Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
