dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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