I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
