she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
