he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
