is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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