hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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