Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
