Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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