This girl is more easily done than said...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
