He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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