butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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