drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
