remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
