all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
