chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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