All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
