careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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