dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
