I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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