Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
