k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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