Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
