just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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