whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
