I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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