watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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