it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
