You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
