my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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