do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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