im drinking this country out of the recession.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
