Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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