I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
