I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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