you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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