You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
