So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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