Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
