3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
