He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
