think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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