take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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