I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
