Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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