Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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