Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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