It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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