Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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