im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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