chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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