I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
