I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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