We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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