you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
