i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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